The Median US Job, According to Predictive Text

Search for “median job US” via Google, and you’ll find a wealth of sources, from the median salary to the median number of years in a position.

But what does the median worker do all day?

I selected 25 Monster.com sample job descriptions at random and fed them to Botnik. Here’s the resulting median job description.

predictive job

Introduction

Your specific duties are needed as a Sample Estimator. This job enforces organization values by planning existing or potential requirements. Employees in this position will be difficult to revise.

Job Responsibilities

Sample Estimator:

  • Bills manager accounts for accomplishing new and different emergencies.
  • Purchases alternatives to clients.
  • Handles rejection by accepting ownership of Medicaid.
  • With customer service people, gets a compelling opportunity to actually help you sometimes.
  • Values campaigns by analyzing hair.

Work Hours and Benefits

Results related to action. Hours provide a wide range of your unique skills to the President. Overtime or equivalent assignments provide new opportunities for failure.

Benefits package includes:

  • Yourself.
  • A little therapy.
  • Job supplies.

Qualifications/Skills

Minimum requirements:

  • Attention to detail
  • Clear instructions to things
  • Coding experience exceeding description here
  • Love of Medicaid

Education and Experience Requirements

At least 18 years of familiarity with uncertainty, judgment, objectivity and style.

License must have appealing traits.

Experience with federal hygiene is a great resource.

Openings today! Cancel your potential!


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Predictive Text Aces the Top 10 Interview Questions

In the spirit of interviewing AIs for jobs, I uploaded the top 20 Google search results for “how to answer most common interview questions” to Botnik.

I then asked it the top 10 job interview questions, according to The Balance.

Here are the median responses to the top ten most commonly-asked interview questions.

(Neither I nor Botnik are responsible for the consequences of actually using these answers in a real interview.)

predictive interview

Tell me about yourself.

Without insulting you, I can show you what a good leader I would be. Sure, you’re looking for someone who can make money or conflict, but don’t just say that. 

As an experienced sous chef, I prepared for this position at your ski shop by asking questions that shouldn’t be asked. 

Questions about why I’m perfect should be prepared in advance.

Why should we hire you?

Should you hire me? Because I’ve had some questions about this project. 

When you thought I was excited to apply, elsewhere my dream was criticized. Your greatest professional achievement is that you’ll put a candidate who talks negatively about their job in an environment where they can critique you. 

I like constant feedback. In fact, I would definitely not quite thrive otherwise. 

What is your greatest strength?

My greatest strength is something you actually need to know. 

The company’s mission to answer questions about failure is at the bottom of this workplace. Situations where my talents take me to new information include this industry. 

In short, marketing expertise is important. 

What is your greatest weakness?

Unless Sudoku expertise is a requirement for this role, you’re not asking the best question. Interview me about something you would have done differently the first time you did something.

Naturally, I don’t have any potential. Future growth and advancement levels are looking behavioral. Like an ideal candidate, I would definitely Google it if you need an answer.

Why do you want to leave your current job?

Doesn’t everyone? I don’t enjoy failure, markets, or company events. Based on genuine words that describe my character traits, I would probably not deal with stressful situations.

Like my previous bosses, your biggest regret will be calling me 10 minutes early. Sure, I behave in a productive way.

What are your salary expectations?

I expect every decision made to work for both you and the company. That’s fair and competitive, and it’s how you handle potential future growth.

Opportunities to better understand what you want in your next employee restore my patience. First, boss, could you handle it if your salary varies by location? Answers that don’t relate directly to work will be asked to leave.

Why do you want this job?

Because every business strategy in the industry is going to fail. Your greatest achievement is not legal.

Researching your biggest regret is more important than methodology. If possible, strategize about locking your current boss in my office. Any questions?

How do you handle stress and pressure?

Acumen like mine doesn’t contradict the President. Debt speaks for itself.

So to answer your question, you may feel overwhelmed by my experience. Stories about myself are personally true.

Describe a difficult work situation or project and how you overcame it.

One time, about six employees were required to answer brainteaser interview questions about failure. Reviews were based on answering questions that no employee has been allowed to answer. Tough questions.

About five o’clock, I asked my boss, “Can we hire a candidate who annoys you? Should we get an animal or a more important thing?” I disliked the job and focused on what I could do to deal.

Anyway, today many of my clients have been promoted, because I’ve developed the ability to wear many hats. Cows stacked pennies on your resume, so take as many as you possibly can.

What are your goals for the future?

Start thinking about five executive traits I would want to accomplish. Fail whenever I’m caught by surprise. Promise people skills they don’t want. And get ahead.


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The Stars Are You: Predictive-Text Horoscopes

I have spent the last week with what might be COVID-19.

I say “might be” because although my spouse (who also had a fever, coughing, shortness of breath and chills) was tested 10 days ago, we still do not have test results.

I’m not quite back up to speed after a week of Schrodinger’s Coronavirus, which means more predictive text instead of me actually doing research or giving advice.

I uploaded the top 20 Google search results for “weekly horoscopes” into Botnik. Here’s the median horoscope for each sun sign for the week of April 13, 2020.

predictive horoscopes

Aries

You’re experiencing motivation to get lost in power. You might suddenly increase productivity if you don’t volunteer for anything.

Important decisions are working against your sense of humor. Avoid decorations.

Taurus

You’ve always wanted to indulge your feelings about discrimination, but others will appreciate it if you don’t. Allow yourself to think of your money today, because you will enjoy it.

All your options are more emotional than kids. Go online via Skype to feel sexy.

Gemini

This week begins as a major personal evolution finds everyone but you. Your job is not rationally possible: It doesn’t respect sexting.

If you don’t allow the stars to take over your life, you may not get lucky. Try channeling yoga.

Cancer

This time, feeling heard is possible – it just isn’t enough. People who dwell on social distancing and make financial decisions become anxious.

Your relationship with Friday night is impossible. Thousands of hot people are telling you to cut it out.

Leo

Fiery Mars tussles with wayward Uranus. That’s because today you’re single.

Karma powers your work today, always up for a little extra action. That life you need is basically too much.

Virgo

Virgo, this weekend finds you sending people your life advice again. Just once, could you stop?

Subjecting yourself to others is going to require your creative fantasies to stay hidden. That’s because you can’t be honest about your ambitions without a good reason – like the bleak future that waits for you.

Libra

September is not, rationally, a thing anymore. Soon you may find that this is all you have.

No desire for someone will be more emotional than your love for diplomacy. As corny as it sounds, just because you’re adaptable to karma doesn’t mean you can make anything happen.

Scorpio

Life might feel frightening, because your partner is basically guaranteed to push you into a major accident. Drop them,

Plenty of chances to explain yourself will follow you this weekend. Among people, you feel eager to connect, but don’t let that override your vision of the world.

Sagittarius

Strategic thinking, starting tonight, deepens your relationship with humor. Life is your forte.

A new job materializes and immediately destroys human courtesy. Renovations between yourself and others will benefit you less than you need.

Capricorn

Are you approaching your own work without feeling super chatty? During this period of self-adjustment, impossible problems will dramatically increase.

Your productivity is valuable but ultimately heavy. Choices you make should be wise, but you won’t.

Aquarius

Seldom have so many people told you, “Don’t pay for expert knowledge,” yet you instinctively put your money into spiralling products. Today could be significant.

Instead, become unavailable to your inbox. Brainwaves like this one could enable you to initiate important conversations with others.

Pisces

Today your chart requires you to undergo uncertainty about something that you should do. The more you feel protective of yourself, the less your energies will telescope.

Especially during Tuesday, text messages for yourself to your crush. Life is pretty high, and you don’t have many enjoyable months left.


I am not an astrologer and this is not advice. Please do not let a Markov chain inform your choices this week. 

Predictive Text Easter Crafts With Botnik (With BONUS Pictures of the Results)

Last year, I put the top 20 search results for “Easter” into Botnik, which regaled us in turn with this predictive-text history of Easter.

This year, I decided to try something a little different.

I fed the top 20 Google search results for “Easter crafts” to Botnik and generated the following predictive-text Easter crafts. Unlike previous predictive-text posts, however, I curated these to include only the crafts that used items I have in the house (seeing as we’re quarantined).

Then I followed the directions.

Please enjoy these Easter crafts brought to you by predictive text.

predictive easter crafts

Easter crafts are so simple to make and kids can help make them while you get a mom to help. DIY bunny ideas for Easter are endless as we think about Canada.

Busting with boredom? These adorable keepsake Easter fingerprints are so simple, they’ll make sure adults do crafts together. Give away fancy treats and glue your toddler to your family’s tablescape for an understated sophistication.

Easter Crafts For Gluing Eyes On

This craft activity fills Easter baskets with colorful puffy eggs. Try it with recycled eggs, featured on Facebook!

  • Glue your card stock and yellow pen to your hands.
  • Open both sides of the fingers and add three tablespoons.
  • Enjoy watching them!

Hop About Contact Lens Solution

Ideas are endless fun. Kids will totally think you’re super awesome when you fill this cute duck with boredom!

  • Paint a subtle floral stamp on a small box.
  • Attach twine to the front and wrap it around itself.
  • Fill the whole thing with salt.

Flower Pot Kids Kids

Easter holidays and googly eyes are all you need to make these delicious Easter treats for Mother.

  • Paint or plant two small animals in a flower pot.
  • Craft bunny ears from watercolor paint and add them to the top.
  • Always put tape on the best part of this batch.

Painted Egg Decorations

Make this entire craft while you stay at home.

  • Step 1: Draw lines along the flat side of two pieces of paper.
  • Roll rubber cement on the whole thing.
  • You don’t even need an egg!

Everything on My Patreon is Free Right Now Because #*$& You, COVID-19

Today I relaunched my Patreon. With one difference:

Everything I post on Patreon for the near future is free. 

Welcome to my PATREON RELAUNCH BLOG PARTY, brought to you by SOCIAL DISTANCING! Here’s what you need to know.

patreon relaunch (1)
Why relaunch Patreon?

Two reasons. One is selfish, the other is…mostly not.

THE NON-SELFISH REASON: Right now we are, as a species, in the middle of a crisis that the vast majority of us now living have never seen the like of before. And while each of us is responding in our own way, one source of comfort and connection many of us have turned to is art.

Yes, TikTok videos and memes count.

The recent explosion of creators dumping works to the Internet for free underscores art’s importance to humanity, particularly in times of great stress. Art gives us an outlet for our feelings. It brings us together. It helps us maintain perspective.

THE SELFISH REASON: I’m going more than a little stir-crazy under this shelter in place order. I’m sure you can relate. By relaunching my Patreon, I put pressure on myself to stop scrolling Twitter or dwelling on my potential demise and MAKE ART.

After all, you’re all counting on me.

Is It Really Free?

Yes. Every post will be public for the foreseeable future. I don’t intend to paywall anything until the vast majority of us are back to work.

I’m aware this means I may be making public posts for a long time. It may be as long as 18 months, since that’s the current best estimate for a working COVID-19 vaccine.

What if I Want to Pay You Anyway?

You are welcome to subscribe at any tier, at any time. I appreciate the vote of confidence, and I’m glad you have the disposable income to help support art!

Be aware, however, that tier perks will be postponed as long as everything on the Patreon is public. I’ll get back to them once I return to paywalling work. So if you, say, join the $50 tier now, you’ll get the books listed – just not until the shelter in place order in my home state is lifted, at the earliest.

Want to send financial support, but can’t commit to a monthly subscription? You’re welcome to send me what you can, when you can via Ko-Fi.

Want to show support, but have even less money for essentials that usual? Share the Patreon link with your friends!

Does This Mean ALL Your Work Is Free Right Now?

Alas, no.

The work I post to Patreon is free. My blog has always been freely available. And you can, of course, follow my brain-dumpings in real time on Twitter.

My published books, however, still have price tags on them. That’s because the books support more than just me – they also help my publisher and editor keep their doors open and the lights on.

I do, however, highly recommend following my Patreon if you’re curious about the books, or if you’re not ready to commit to buying them for any reason. You’ll get a good look at what goes on in my published works before you decide to acquire them.

This FAQ Doesn’t Answer My Question.

Drop me a message in the comments here, or DM me via Twitter. I’ll do my best to answer between handwashing sessions.

Stay healthy. Enjoy art. Take care of your loved ones. ❤

Today’s Sanity Level: Bananaphone

Our winterguard state championships were scheduled for yesterday. They were, of course, cancelled.

In the spirit of getting together apart, we (the members and staff) decided to create our own winterguard shows. Since the staff do this professionally, we decided to do the most ridiculous ideas we could find.

(I hope. That’s what I did, anyway.)

Performing their 2021 show “Bananaphone,” Winter Guard International is proud to present….

bananaphone

Music

The name kind of gives it away:

“Bananaphone” will be a Regional A show, since it’s both (a) ridiculous and (b) not long enough to be used in any other caption.

Floor

Since no one gave me a budget, I’m getting custom everything for my brand-new guard performing silly work on multiple pieces of equipment. As we all know, high production values totally make WGI judges ignore bad technique!

(Note for non-winterguard readers: The above is sarcasm. Nothing makes WGI judges ignore cringey technique. Especially not in Regional A, the literal training class.)

Anyway, did you know that “banana phone” stock photography exists? It does! Here’s what I’m getting printed on our amazing custom bananaphone floor:

abstract-idea-colorful-banana-phone-600w-1062212057

Minus the watermark, of course. And we’ll need to expand the sides, since we’re getting a 60 by 90 floor to accommodate all 30 of the performers I will definitely have once word about this once in a lifetime show theme gets around.

Also, you can expect a sort of “confetti” effect over the whole thing, once all my brand-new guard members are done marking every single spot in their drill with their very own color of electrical tape.

Does this banana phone look kind of like a tampon to you?

I’m sure it’s fine.

Props/Sets

Props and set pieces are my nemesis. I never know what I want or what I want to do with it once I have it.

But every good budget-breaking show needs ridiculous quantities of unnecessary props, so I Googled “banana props.”

We are SO getting these banana couches:

03f19f34eab1480bff6307b32eb1530a

Also, WHY. WHY DOES THIS EXIST.

I don’t care, we’re getting ten:

inflatable-mobile-phone

What are we going to do with the giant inflatable bananas and phones? No idea! In my world, that’s what we call “the choreographer’s problem.”

Equipment

Props are great and all, but it’s not winterguard unless we’re spinning regulation equipment.

I really wanted banana-colored Arcs, but since I can’t remember whether Arcs count as equipment (I know Airblades don’t), I’ve decided to throw some rifle wraps on and call it good.

Rifles that actually look like bananas seem a little on the nose, so we’re going with these stock wraps from McCormick’s:

3500071-2

That leaves flags. Since nobody keeps a banana-print flag in stock (I know, I looked), I’m ordering custom flags with another stock photo image on them. Here are our ending feature flags:

Banana wallpaper (2)

And because I don’t want to hear any crap from the upstairs judges about why our floor is pink when nothing else is, the opening flags are going to alternate between the yellow and pink Genesis flags from Band Shoppe:

Uniforms

I expected costuming to take the longest of any of these. But then I was procrastinating on Facebook and I found this image from Beavercreek HS’s 2020 show:

91220821_10221784078567884_889178863018442752_o2926825436896288348.jpg

And I said, “THAT’S IT. THOSE ARE OUR UNIFORMS.”

Count Sheet

For the uninitiated: Every winterguard show starts with a count sheet. We listen through the music and conceive it in blocks of counts, which become the basis both of individual choreographic phrases and of the changes in staging, equipment, mood etc. from beginning to end.

Here’s my count sheet for Bananaphone:

Intro (16 cts): Entrance/dance thingy

Verse 1 and 2 (64 cts): Yellow flags (Group A), dance (Group B)

Verse 3 and Bridge (64 cts): Yellow flags (Group A), pink flags (Group B)

Instrumental (64 cts): Rifle & dance

Verse 4 (32 cts): Ending flag feature

Repeat & End: Mostly dance, some flags

Budget

I haven’t even tried to budget this. For a guard of thirty people, we’re probably looking at:

Large Custom Floor:   $2,000
Inflatable Nonsense:   $500
Rifle Wraps:                   $450
Stock Flags:                    $1,050
Custom Flags:                $1,050
Uniforms:                       $3,000

TOTAL:                              $8,050

Once we get done paying staff (because OF COURSE I’m going to pay well for the proper execution of this artistic vision), we’re well into the five figures, which is where I wanted to be. That trophy for “Most Overproduced Winterguard Show About Bananas” shall be mine!

….I’m being informed there is no such trophy.

Boo.


Both WGI and DCI 2020 aren’t happening, so if you wanted to help by buying me a coffee or sharing this post with your nerdy marching arts friends, I’d love that.

 

My Favorite Creativity Tools Online, Not Ranked

I like to make things. They don’t even have to be good things. In fact, I’m often happiest when I’m churning out piles of terrible art.

Here are some of my favorite online creativity rabbit holes to fall into. Each of these is free unless otherwise noted.

creativity

Botnik

If you’re unfamiliar with my love affair with Botnik‘s predictive-text keyboard, it’s because you’re new here. (Welcome!)

Basically, Botnik is your phone’s predictive text on a much larger scale and with a potentially much larger dataset that isn’t confined to things you text most often. Botnik has dozens of pre-loaded keyboard options ranging from “John Keats” to Radiohead lyrics or The Joy of Cooking. You can also feed it your own text banks as UTF-8 encoded .txt files.

For examples of the fun nonsense you can make with Botnik, check out this list of predictive-text New Year’s resolutions or this predictive-text history of Mother’s Day.

Noteflight (freemium)

If you’ve ever wanted to write music but (a) don’t know if you can, (b) don’t play an instrument and/or (c) hate having to draw all those little dots on manuscript paper which you (d) don’t even own anyway, Noteflight is the obsession for you.

Noteflight is web-based music notation software, which does what it says on the tin: It allows you to write music. Also to play it back immediately, change/edit instruments and voices, and so on.

Check out examples of music I wrote in Noteflight in the Bad Carols series.

The full version requires a subscription, but if you’re new to writing music you can get a lot of mileage out of the free version before you make the switch.

As an occasional music teacher, I especially appreciate features of Noteflight that are annoying af at first, like its insistence on subdividing measures for you. It’s really helpful if you’re not already 100 percent comfortable with the concept of how many beats go in a measure and what that should look like.

Soundation (freemium)

If you want to write music but the previous paragraph’s mention of “subdividing measures” made your eyes cross, try Soundation. It allows you to create music mixer-style, by stacking, looping and editing tracks.

Again, you can pay for a subscription or not, but the free version lets you do quite a bit before you decide whether or not an upgrade is worth your money.

I’ve found that Soundation is highly accessible for middle schoolers and older, whether or not they have any kind of previous music-related education. So put some headphones on your kids and let them mix away.

Scratch

Scratch is an MIT project designed to teach kids how to code, but even as an adult in my 30s I find it’s a lot of fun to put together my own animations and games.

The interface is very user-friendly and intuitive. If you’re super intimidated by anything with the word “coding” in it, though, there’s also a series of tutorials that will walk you through every aspect of Scratch.

Scratch is the kind of thing I would have killed for when I was ten years old and programming my Apple IIGS in BASIC that I learned out of my fifth-grade math textbook. It’s a lot of fun and a great way to make goofy things to share with friends.

Canva (freemium)

Canva is a graphic design tool for those of us with zero graphic design chops.  It offers hundreds, maybe thousands, of templates for social media images, blog post headers, invitations and a bunch of other things.

I use it primarily to make graphics for this blog, but there are plenty of other options for Canva use. Many of the templates and images are free, but some of them require payment or a Canva subscription to access – though I’m not sure you need one if you’re only using Canva for amusement.

An alternative to Canva is Snappa, which does basically the same things except with an arguably more intuitive (and definitely more touchscreen-friendly) interface. Canva’s one major failing is that it’s not optimized for touchscreens, so if you’re creating on a tablet, consider giving Snappa a go.

Micro Marching League (freemium)

Micro Marching League might be in the running for most nerdy niche option on this list. It’s basically Pyware but for kids.

…If you’re thinking “there’s no way you can make Pyware kid-friendly,” you’re right.

Micro Marching League (MML) allows you to design your own marching band drill and watch it play out…more or less effectively? It’s not a tool I’d actually use to write drill I would actually put on the field or floor, but it’s a fun introduction to drill-writing for anyone who hasn’t actually tried it before.

The free version offers enough scope to get started. You can pay for options like inserting your own uniform colors or creating indoor drill, but if you’re that serious about writing drill I’d recommend just switching to Pyware.

Master MML and your learning curve for Pyware won’t be any shorter, but at least you’ll have some idea what you want certain forms to look like.

Seventh Sanctum

I’ve been messing around on Seventh Sanctum since…years? The site’s biggest draw for creatives is probably its massive collection of idea generators, from sci-fi plots to made-up 1980s cartoon heroes.

It also offers a huge list of resources for creatives, including stock photography sources, publishing outlets, online portfolio hosting sites and so on. It’s a decades-old standby of the creative community, but I’ve included it here in case you’re one of today’s lucky 10,000.

Springhole

Like Seventh Sanctum, Springhole is also (a) ancient (in Internet terms) and (b) full of creativity resources. Springhole, however, is geared almost entirely at writers.

In addition to various generators, you’ll also find a wealth of writing advice, from how to know when you should write a novel to how to determine whether your main character is actually a “Mary Sue” or just being called that by disgruntled dudebros who haven’t realized that “being female” is a default state for half the population.

I used to get lost in Springhole for hours on end. It’s still one of my favorite online rabbit holes.

Zompist

Zompist is Mark Rosenfelder’s personal website, and it’s absolutely fantastic if you’re into any kind of worldbuilding or conlanging.

Rosenfelder is the author of several books on how to construct conlangs (which I also recommend). The website both provides an introduction to those books and hosts many of the in-depth examples that didn’t fit on the physical pages.

If you’ve ever wanted to build your own fantasy world/language, or having built one you now have no idea what to do with it, there’s plenty here to keep you busy. It’s where I found the format for this Niralan culture test, for example.

Lexiconga

Lexiconga is the other Extremely Niche tool on this list. It’s a dictionary compiler, which means it’s probably most useful to folks who are already in the vocabulary-building phase of conlanging.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with using an Excel spreadsheet for vocabulary purposes. I do. But I appreciate the way Lexiconga is built to manage your word hoard. My Excel sheet for Niralanes, for instance, has nearly a thousand entries currently. That’s a lot of scrolling, and it’s scrolling Lexiconga doesn’t make me do.

One of my favorite parts of social distancing/sheltering in place so far is that I feel even freer than usual to spend hours making terrible art (like this abomination my brain woke me up at 4 am to write). I cannot encourage it enough. Making terrible art is how we make good art (eventually) – but more importantly, it’s just plain fun.

Go forth and make terrible art. ❤


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