The Stars Hate You, Vol. 0: In Which Debunking Astrology Makes Me a Trustworthy Astrologer

Like most Quorans, I get all kinds of weird answer requests. Some of them were obviously spammed to everyone who ever wrote on a particular topic. Others were obviously spammed to everyone, period.

A few days ago, I got this question [paraphrased]: “Why do scientists say astrology isn’t a science?”

I am, in fact, qualified to answer this question. I’ve been casting and interpreting horoscopes for decades. What baffled me is that I had not yet made that fact known to Quora.

So I answered:

the stars hate you 0

Why Isn’t Astrology a Science?

Because astrology is based on a model of the universe we know to be false.

Your birth chart is, essentially, a map of the universe with you at its center. On this map, there’s you, at a particular place and time on Earth, and then there are seven perfect circles: the orbits of the moon, the sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. (Modern charts also contain Uranus, Neptune, Pluto and sometimes the major asteroids Ceres, Vesta and Chiron.) The map shows you where in the zodiac each of those planets appeared to be, relative to the place and time on Earth you occupied at the moment of your birth.

Birth charts are set up this way to reflect how astrology works, which is:

Your soul begins its journey in the “firmament,” or the space beyond the orbit of Saturn. (The ancients didn’t know other planets existed, so they don’t count.) To get into your body, your soul descends through the orbit or “sphere” of Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, Venus, Mercury, the moon, and the sun. On the way, it picks up traits related to the ruling planet of each sphere.

These traits are further influenced by which zodiac sign the planet looks like it’s hanging out in at the time, from the perspective of the time/place of your birth. Your soul then gets sucked into your body with your first breath, carrying all those traits it picked up from the spheres with it.

There’s just one problem.

We know that the Earth is not the center of the solar system.

Astrology depends on a geocentric model of the universe in which all the other celestial bodies move in circular orbits around the Earth. But we know they don’t. Rather, the moon revolves around the Earth, and both of them revolve, along with the planets, in elliptical orbits around the sun.

That our solar system is heliocentric isn’t news. We’ve known this for centuries. It’s not hypothetical, either: We have, based on our mathematical models of a heliocentric solar system, successfully launched rockets and satellites and even actual living humans off the planet and brought them back again. We are correct about the Earth revolving around the sun and not the other way round.

The solar system cannot be heliocentric and classical astrology be scientific. One of those two things has to fail “being science,” because they are based on fundamentally incompatible models of the universe.

Science “knows” things by examining whether the things it hypothesizes are observable, measurable and replicable. The heliocentric-ness of the solar system is one of those things.

Your personal affinity for your own horoscope, however, is not. We can observe whether you think it applies to you. We can attempt to measure how well it applies (maybe by polling all your friends to see if they agree you have the same traits your birth chart has). But we cannot replicate it – we can’t go back in time and birth you again. Nor can we set up a control version of you without that birth chart to see whether that you behaves differently than this you.

That said: Do not assume science is the only valid system of knowing things. Science is one system of knowing, with specific rules. We use it a lot because its rules offer a very effective way of knowing things about the physical world.

However, humans have developed many, many systems for knowing and understanding things. Astrology is another such system, with its own rules. Some people find the knowledge they get from astrology’s system of rules to be very useful, and that’s fine.

Astrology is a system of knowing. It is, however, not a scientific system of knowing.

Like so much of my Quora content, I posted this and then went on my merry way, not giving a second thought to its impact on the readership of that particular site.

Then things got weird.

I Start an Advice Column

Since posting this answer, I’ve received over a dozen oddly specific requests for Someone What Knows Their Astrology to look into the requester’s chart. These typically come with a description of the problem the questioner is having, plus their birth date, time and place.

(Note: Please don’t post that info publicly. Not everyone is as ethical or lazy as I am. A less ethical and more enterprising individual would have no trouble committing a little friendly identity theft.)

After about 23 minutes of consulting Twitter via poll, I decided not to wait the additional 23 hours and 37 minutes for the poll to end. Instead, I launched The Stars Hate You.

The Stars Hate You: A FAQ

The Stars Hate You is an advice column, in which I, an armchair astrologer with decades of experience and a very large personal library of books on esoterica (a few of which I have actually read!), respond to astrological queries. Only I’m not going to cast anyone’s chart.

“Um, okay. But why?” I hear you ask.

Because you (or someone like you) came for advice and I’mma give it. BUT:

  1. Casting and interpreting horoscopes is work – yes, even with software that does the math automatically. I blog for my own amusement, but like the selfish meat-based corporeal being I am, I like to eat food and sleep sheltered from the elements. (If you simply must have your actual horoscope interpreted, drop me a line and we’ll talk terms.)
  2. The best person to do that work is always the person for whom the horoscope is being cast. I insist on being paid to do other people’s horoscopes because it’s the only thing I’m guaranteed to get out of the transaction. Otherwise, I don’t benefit from interpreting the stars, your Tarot cards, your palm, or the pattern of Froot Loops in the bottom of your breakfast bowl. You benefit from interpreting those things.

Will you teach me how to interpret my own chart? 

Sure. For money.

Isn’t there some kind of prohibition on taking money in exchange for teaching magic?

One, astrology isn’t magic – it’s a system, whose various purposes include “organizing all the random crap that makes up our lives,” “understanding how everything is connected to everything else,” and “getting nowhere.” It can be used for magical purposes, but it is not, itself, magical (or rather, it is exactly as magical as everything else).

Two, I’m not the one who took that oath. You’re thinking of a certain English walnut fond of shaving his head and doing too much hashish.

What about the advice?

The advice is free.

Does that mean I’m getting what I pay for?

And then some! You also get my sparkling wit.

You’re not really that funny.

That’s not a question.

Doesn’t telling people you’re interpreting their “stars” when you’re actually just giving bog-standard advice make you TA?

Twitter reassures me that I am NTA here. Even if it didn’t, being TA is in the eye of the beholder. Or so your stars tell me.

So do you believe in astrology or don’t you?

That’s a blog post’s worth of question in itself.

Tl;dr: No, I don’t “believe in” astrology, any more than I “believe in” science. I apply each as a system of knowing in order to think more deeply about what’s in front of me. I choose among systems of knowing (including but not limited to astrology and science) depending on what it is I’m trying to think more deeply about and why.

Will you give me advice?

Sure! Drop a line in the comments below, or DM me on Twitter @danialexis. I do my best to maintain the anonymity of advice-seekers, but feel free to use pseudonyms, change the scene of crimes, etc.

(N.b. I do not give advice regarding actual crimes.)

Is there anything else I should know?

The Frogurt is also cursed.

You can get to every entry in The Stars Hate You by clicking the link on the navigation bar at the top of the blog (next to “Bad Carols”). New entries are published when I feel like it, or when someone actually asks for advice.

I try to give good advice, but I make no guarantees as to what might happen to you if you do or do not follow the advice given. You’re the one running your life – running my own is more than enough work for one lifetime.


Your stars say that tipping your armchair advice columnist is a courteous thing to do, especially if you found their advice useful. If tipping isn’t an option for you, the stars say that sharing your armchair advice columnist’s posts on social media is also acceptable. 

Predictive Text Predicts Florida Man’s Next Escapade

Ah, Florida Man. Whether it’s the result of Florida’s generous public records laws, the diverse population of the Sunshine State, or its staunch commitment to underfunding mental health treatment, the “Florida Man” meme is a…something…to behold.

One of the best parts of Florida Man is that no one can predict his wacky antics. Except maybe…predictive text?

I compiled the first 20 Google News results for “Florida Man” on April 27, 2020 into a text bank and fed it to Botnik. Here’s what predictive text predicts Florida Man will get up to next.

predictive florida man

Florida Man Threatens Himself With Underage Loans

A Florida man tried to avoid work in the coronavirus pandemic but was caught by officers who discovered him with a duck. Reports said he confessed to putting a fake name on his Twitter.

Florida Man Accused of Slipping on Facebook Post

A Florida man claimed he owned several pink diarrheal tablets. Advocates of church cruelty said he was upset because the golfers were very rude.

Florida Man Arrested Tuesday on Suspicion of Marijuana Cruelty

A Florida man was arrested Tuesday after being accused of shooting his friend while smoking marijuana. After deputies responded to the threat, they drove off.

“It’s like medication isn’t even being called that,” claimed the sheriff. “Between you and me, anti-sales messages are worthless.”

Florida Man Wanted on Charges of Violating His Car

A Florida man who allegedly discovered his cat in a blue Chevrolet has been identified as a 22-year-old victim of spite. Along with reckless driving, his charges include talking about this crazy stuff and dumping water onto his brother.

“Florida prisons are stressful for no legitimate reason,” said the man, when he was asked to explain his nightly medication. “That’s why I don’t go to jail without a fake license.” 

Florida Man Says He Can’t Really Afford a Gun

A 74-year-old Florida man says he bought 203 arrows, but that he couldn’t afford a firearm. He said he also has extensive criminal warrants for some unknown reason.

Warrants for his arrest included a church golf course, coronavirus news and eluding groups of teens. 

A police spokesman said he actually had no excuse for making dinner donations without a firearm.

Florida Man Asked Stranger for 20 55-Gallon Plastic Drums Filled With Drugs

A Florida man asked a stranger about trying laxatives Monday, according to emails forward to Buzzfeed by the beach president. 

“He shocked himself,” said a lady. “To his brother, he was just a bad person, but he was also my wife.” 

An address led to a small bridge outside Miami, where Florida police identified the man as a suspicious person. 

Florida Man Summoned His Inner Florida Man

In a mad rush of spite, a Florida man summoned his inner Florida Man Saturday when he mistook someone walking into a house for a church pandemic group. 

“I linked to help on the sand plane as well as I could,” said the man, a 70-year-old postal abbreviation. “And if you like living, you’ll ask another person for assistance.” 

Police are investigating whether this news report is prohibited in Florida. 

Florida Man Tried Crazy Thing

A Florida man tried to apply for assistance but was charged with possession of yard signs Thursday night, according to Deputies with Drugs.

“Violating the law is a sociologist thing to do,” said the sheriff. “Because not enough people are asking for 9,000 dollars during the coronavirus pandemic.”

The man’s name was not disclosed because he is a sociologist.


Help me make better choices than Florida Man: buy me a coffee or share this nonsense on social media.

 

The History of May Day…Maybe

It’s time for another predictive-text history lesson.

Today: The history of May Day, as presented by Botnik‘s predictive-text keyboard after I fed it the top 20 Google search results for “history of May Day.”

predictive may day

The First International Holiday for Good Wine: A May Day Celebration

May Day was celebrated traditionally on three days in Revolutionary Russia. Over 500,000 years the holiday continued to inspire astonishing causes, like Maypole dancing and Maypole singing.

The First Celebration of Labor

In 1350, Detroit auto workers were exploited for their religious speeches. Rites performed throughout this period include the Gathering of Workers, Leaving Baskets Hanging, and Pretty Streamers and Ribbons Involving Police Fatalities. 

Beginning in 1959, May baskets were employed to celebrate insurance. Through struggle and conflict, unions endorsed severe fertility. 

Literally no one knows who threw the first Russian Revolution, organization of which was considered quaint by the standards of the proletariat.

Pope Adrian II raised a bomb into the water in summer 1915, adopting the 8-hour workday for all peoples.

The Pagan Origins of May Day

The manifestation of spring colors in May 1889 was the first celebration of the goddess of spring. Thousands of people danced around, which later came to be regarded as a national scandal.

How did the traditional of dancing continue when witches are reputed to fight class warfare even in Chicago? Conventional wisdom states class development finally experienced mimes.

In 1707, the final victory over the Time Cattle would end the Pagan practices of Light Origin and Revelry With Bonfires.

May Day and Labor

During the Industrial Revolution, May Day evolved downward. Class solidarity was not celebrated by the Puritans, who frowned on April 19 (Walpurgisnacht being more regularly exploited for its healing benefits). 

Connected to Saint Philip of the Capitalist System, class distinctions raised severe rioting resolutions in Chicago and Cleveland.

Officially, the workers’ demands indicated that anarchists were feeling needlessly well. That changed into popular secular efforts to improve human society, however, when Engels published The Communist Origins of the Maypolea book opposed by Morris dancers. 

Interweaving courtship and labor rights, immigrants jointly utilized power and energy to fight owners of the factories. They organized character plays also. Called “May Queen Guinevere’s Maying and Police Protest,” these clubs escalated into rock and other radical cultural movements. 

May Day Celebrations Around the World

Poland: Government workplaces across Poland close on May Day so that everyone can steal a kiss from a crofter. 

Cuba: In countries like Cuba, taking baskets filled with Christmas greenery from young children is normally not celebrated. 

India: Activities people used to do in India are still allowed today, like getting ready for winter and receiving May Day tales from friends. 

Germany: In Germany, activities related to agriculture and pipe making are still celebrated today. 

England: Traditionally, eggs died annually due to evil powers of capitalism. Within the working class, however, solidarity can steal the skin from young men first. 

The USA: Thousands of motorbikes attend the American Fighting Traditions Festival, fought for theatrical and political liberation. 


For more predictive-text history lessons, see Botnik’s pontification on Mother’s Day, Easter, or Thanksgiving. To support my efforts to turn these predictive-text posts into a book, buy me a coffee.

Today’s Sanity Level: Bananaphone

Our winterguard state championships were scheduled for yesterday. They were, of course, cancelled.

In the spirit of getting together apart, we (the members and staff) decided to create our own winterguard shows. Since the staff do this professionally, we decided to do the most ridiculous ideas we could find.

(I hope. That’s what I did, anyway.)

Performing their 2021 show “Bananaphone,” Winter Guard International is proud to present….

bananaphone

Music

The name kind of gives it away:

“Bananaphone” will be a Regional A show, since it’s both (a) ridiculous and (b) not long enough to be used in any other caption.

Floor

Since no one gave me a budget, I’m getting custom everything for my brand-new guard performing silly work on multiple pieces of equipment. As we all know, high production values totally make WGI judges ignore bad technique!

(Note for non-winterguard readers: The above is sarcasm. Nothing makes WGI judges ignore cringey technique. Especially not in Regional A, the literal training class.)

Anyway, did you know that “banana phone” stock photography exists? It does! Here’s what I’m getting printed on our amazing custom bananaphone floor:

abstract-idea-colorful-banana-phone-600w-1062212057

Minus the watermark, of course. And we’ll need to expand the sides, since we’re getting a 60 by 90 floor to accommodate all 30 of the performers I will definitely have once word about this once in a lifetime show theme gets around.

Also, you can expect a sort of “confetti” effect over the whole thing, once all my brand-new guard members are done marking every single spot in their drill with their very own color of electrical tape.

Does this banana phone look kind of like a tampon to you?

I’m sure it’s fine.

Props/Sets

Props and set pieces are my nemesis. I never know what I want or what I want to do with it once I have it.

But every good budget-breaking show needs ridiculous quantities of unnecessary props, so I Googled “banana props.”

We are SO getting these banana couches:

03f19f34eab1480bff6307b32eb1530a

Also, WHY. WHY DOES THIS EXIST.

I don’t care, we’re getting ten:

inflatable-mobile-phone

What are we going to do with the giant inflatable bananas and phones? No idea! In my world, that’s what we call “the choreographer’s problem.”

Equipment

Props are great and all, but it’s not winterguard unless we’re spinning regulation equipment.

I really wanted banana-colored Arcs, but since I can’t remember whether Arcs count as equipment (I know Airblades don’t), I’ve decided to throw some rifle wraps on and call it good.

Rifles that actually look like bananas seem a little on the nose, so we’re going with these stock wraps from McCormick’s:

3500071-2

That leaves flags. Since nobody keeps a banana-print flag in stock (I know, I looked), I’m ordering custom flags with another stock photo image on them. Here are our ending feature flags:

Banana wallpaper (2)

And because I don’t want to hear any crap from the upstairs judges about why our floor is pink when nothing else is, the opening flags are going to alternate between the yellow and pink Genesis flags from Band Shoppe:

Uniforms

I expected costuming to take the longest of any of these. But then I was procrastinating on Facebook and I found this image from Beavercreek HS’s 2020 show:

91220821_10221784078567884_889178863018442752_o2926825436896288348.jpg

And I said, “THAT’S IT. THOSE ARE OUR UNIFORMS.”

Count Sheet

For the uninitiated: Every winterguard show starts with a count sheet. We listen through the music and conceive it in blocks of counts, which become the basis both of individual choreographic phrases and of the changes in staging, equipment, mood etc. from beginning to end.

Here’s my count sheet for Bananaphone:

Intro (16 cts): Entrance/dance thingy

Verse 1 and 2 (64 cts): Yellow flags (Group A), dance (Group B)

Verse 3 and Bridge (64 cts): Yellow flags (Group A), pink flags (Group B)

Instrumental (64 cts): Rifle & dance

Verse 4 (32 cts): Ending flag feature

Repeat & End: Mostly dance, some flags

Budget

I haven’t even tried to budget this. For a guard of thirty people, we’re probably looking at:

Large Custom Floor:   $2,000
Inflatable Nonsense:   $500
Rifle Wraps:                   $450
Stock Flags:                    $1,050
Custom Flags:                $1,050
Uniforms:                       $3,000

TOTAL:                              $8,050

Once we get done paying staff (because OF COURSE I’m going to pay well for the proper execution of this artistic vision), we’re well into the five figures, which is where I wanted to be. That trophy for “Most Overproduced Winterguard Show About Bananas” shall be mine!

….I’m being informed there is no such trophy.

Boo.


Both WGI and DCI 2020 aren’t happening, so if you wanted to help by buying me a coffee or sharing this post with your nerdy marching arts friends, I’d love that.

 

Christmas Carols Nobody Asked For, Vol 1: Is That You, Santa?

As a quasi-professional musician (meaning I sometimes actually get paid to perform), I am completely, utterly, pervasively sick of Christmas music.

I’m sorry. I know y’all love Christmas concerts, which is why I play several of them a year. But trust me when I say that playing any tune you recognize as a Christmas song is a sacrifice I am making out of love for my fellow human and the season as a whole.

Especially if it’s Sleigh Ride.

In the interest of expanding our Christmas music canon in…interesting ways, I’ve decided to create some new Christmas carols. With help.

I put the lyrics of several dozen popular Christmas carols into Botnik and used its predictive text keyboard to generate new holiday lyrics. Then I put these lyrics to music using Noteflight.

Here’s the first in a series of horrible experiments designed to make popular music, if not less horrible, at least more amusing.

Is That You, Santa?

Is that you, Santa?
The Christmas baby
My merry cheer
Whispering my good ol’ joy


Is it beautiful again
holding Grandpa in
this house like Christmas?
Michelle yooou baby

CHORUS
oh yeah
this starry night
paradise me and my sleigh
oh you
this merry merry
holy christmas tree lights


twinkle christmas
shining times
drinking cheap and
faster than love

CHORUS
oh yeah
this starry night
paradise me and my sleigh
oh you
this merry merry
holy christmas tree lights

BRIDGE
in my baby ‘s christmas tree
born three sitting chime again
you and jesus hold the snow
the christmas tree such joy

Is that you, Santa?
The Christmas baby
My merry cheer
Whispering my good ol’ joy

CHORUS
oh yeah
this starry night
paradise me and my sleigh
oh you
this merry merry
holy christmas tree lights

oh you
this merry merry
holy christmas tree lights

Here’s the sheet music (pdf).

Here’s the audio file (mp3).

Musicians are underpaid and overworked, especially during the winter holidays. Help me keep going by sharing this post and/or filling my tip jar.

“Happy Birthday” is the Worst Song Ever Written

Folks, there’s something I need to get off my chest.

It’s “Happy Birthday.”

THIS SONG IS A GARBAGE NIGHTMARE DISASTER.

Think about it. If you were writing a song that all kinds of people would be obligated to sing several times a year, regardless of their background in music, wouldn’t you pick something that was, say, easy to sing? Something with notes and intervals that were easy to hear and mimic?

Well, we didn’t get that. We got this monstrosity.

Here’s why “Happy Birthday” is absolutely the worst song ever written.

worstbirthday

First of all, it doesn’t start on do. Try to write this thing down, or accompany it on piano or guitar, based on what you think you know about simple children’s melodies every freaking person in the Western world has known for a century and GET READY FOR THE ACCIDENTALS BECAUSE HOLY CRAP THEY’RE EVERYWHERE.

So the first note: crap.

The second note: also crap. Sol-la is one of the hardest intervals to sing in tune. You can fake your way through “Happy,” but “Birth” is always going to sound like your dog just died. Always.

“Day” is back to sol, but hold onto your cheap paper hat, because “to” jumps all the way up to “do,” and then “you” lands on “ti.” Wanna know what the other hardest interval to sing in tune is? SURPRISE IT’S RIGHT HERE.

We’re four words in and this song is already a nightmare. Not least because the shape of that line puts the emphasis not on any word that ACTUALLY MATTERS. What’s the most important thing about this event? Not happy, birthday, or you. Oh no. It’s TO.

Oh good, at least the lyrics repeat! But wait…

THE MELODY DOES NOT REPEAT EVEN THOUGH THE LYRICS DO.

You think it’s going to. You even get a second try at that crappy sol-la interval. But instead of going back up to “do,” you need to push even higher, to “re.” I hope you practiced your sixths haha just kidding of course you didn’t.

Again, the most important thing in this song, according to the melody, is that it is TO someone. Who they are or what day it is or what kind of day you wish them to have is irrelevant nonsense.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

Quick: Name a song that forces you to jump an octave and that is easy to sing. You can’t. But you’re about to do it anyway, because the next leap between “birth” and “day” is one.

Why is this melody so unsingable? Ah well, it’s not like anyone will ever need to sing this in public OH WAIT.

Next up is do-la-do, an absolutely astounding set of intervals. It’s definitely not just close enough to do-sol-do, THE ONE EVERYONE CAN ACTUALLY HEAR, to royally mess with everyone’s feeble attempt to sing it. You can’t even remember who you’re singing to at this point anyway, so mumbling their name wildly out of pitch is for the best.

Also, you are now mumbling a tenth lower than you were forced to sing earlier. Sure. Fine. Whatever. 1000 years of Western music went home drunk four measures ago.

And the chord structure. Dear God, the chord structure.

I’ll accept I-V-V-I, which are the first two lines. Uninspired, but at least it sounds okay.

Then we skip to IV, which is a nice way to indicate that something new is going on. Okay.

But then. BUT THEN.

I. We’re back on I. But it’s not just any I; it’s do-fa-la, not do-mi-sol. And it lasts only two beats before we’re back to IV, aka fa-la-ti.

I would accept this in a normal song, but “Happy Birthday” is not a normal song. It’s a toxic hellbeast bent on making every human with a functioning set of vocal chords sing out of tune. TWO BEATS ON THE ROOT AIN’T GONNA CUT IT.

Now, normal chord structures for simple songs repeat. Does this one? OF COURSE NOT. Have two beats of IV, then V, then I. You haven’t seen this pattern before or since!

HAVE A COMPLETELY BIZARRE AND POINTLESS CHORD STRUCTURE ON THE HOUSE. IT’S SOMEONE’S BIRTHDAY APPARENTLY.

The only good thing – I repeat, the ONLY good thing – about this song is that it resolves on do, in a nice solid I chord, allowing everyone present to clap heartily that this overrated vocal nightmare has finally ended.


Birthday songs are terrible; birthday coffee is awesome.

The Celebration of Mothers and Motherhood and Maternal People Who Mothered Us: A Predictive-Text History of Mother’s Day

It’s that time again, folks. I dumped the top 20 Google search results for “Mother’s Day” into Botnik’s predictive-text app, and here are the results. 

Please enjoy this predictive-text history of Mother’s Day in the US and other countries, brought to you by Botnik.

danialexis.net (3)

The Celebration of Mothers and Motherhood and Maternal People Who Mothered Us: A History of Mother’s Face

Mother’s Day was needed.

Anna Jarvis trademarked the first official mother, who was originally imported from Antwerp. [citation needed] 

Anna resented that mother’s traditional commercialization was celebrated. Women were unsuccessful at being seen as much of anything.  Only women’s golf could reclaim their pawned sewing. 

Motherhood needed to improve. The sacrifices mothers made for the holidays would overwhelm most people.

Political Carnations for Mother’s Day

On the first Mother’s Day, cards were slaughtered by the state governors. Children helped mother give herself an occasion for sales. 

The same day, a special cake resembling a white carnation was held at least four times. The special cake made mothers everywhere organize protests, because it cost too much. 

Advocating peace and freedom, mothers fought hard to prevent businesses from profiting by giving away New York. Unsuccessful control of women led to voters.

President Woodrow Wilson named mother goddesses to the Protestant Church, which consumed much of Lent in 1908. In 1925, November was first ridiculed by President Roosevelt. 

Years later, broadened by continuing enthusiasm, peace became popular again. In 1904, 1948, and April 2017, three children were awarded medals for helping their mothers with breakfast. All three children were notorious attention-seekers.

Anna Jarvis never profited from Mother’s Day. Because of this, Anna resented Nazi control of flowers and other gifts. Anna Jarvis died thousands of years later, denouncing mother’s annual remembrance from her hometown.

Families Gather Together

Children spend approximately $2.6 billion on pampering their mothers. Breakfast is considered mother’s favorite, and plastic flowers are the leading food choice.

Kids peak on this day, so tradition is to give their school a public protest. Or mom can just sleep in. 

Fundraisers outside the home offer roses to families that cannot celebrate the individual.

Today, fathers can also receive gifts, including spa services held in Philadelphia. Fathers can be mothers who died, too.

Father’s Day is celebrated in preschools, but only by children. Mother’s actions and patience for disturbing chores power Mother’s Day guilt.

Celebrating This Special Day

Secular American traditions of Mother’s Day have been created by conflicts around the world. War ended in 1865, years earlier than anyone needed.

According to Hallmark, mortality is widely associated with revering mothers. Cards remain the most important choices honoring motherhood. Letters honoring spa packages have withered, but anyone can pick up the phone. Vacuums put mother in a sanitarium.

Honor mothers and humans by spending most of your own money on women. Motherhood can feel bad, so feminist groups are encouraged.

To make Mother’s Day special, practice mother’s favorite ethics. Improve mom with different forms of $, and try to lower your wallet. Society will enjoy the idea.